to everyone i've ghosted or hurt.
you deserved better. i'm sorry.
To everyone I’ve ghosted, hurt, or pushed away:
I’m sorry. There’s no excuse I can give; if anything it’s just my lack of emotional maturity, and it’s humiliating how much my flaws have hurt others.
I hope that by now you’ve either forgiven or forgotten me. Honestly, I’d rather it be the latter (though that seems to be my problem in the first place).
I never truly learned how to set boundaries.
When I did “learn” I ended up using them as some sort of twisted weapon instead of using them to protect others, myself, my peace, and my happiness.
I used my boundaries as an excuse to run.
I used them as an excuse to hurt rather than get hurt.
I’m sorry that most of the people I’ve hurt have been my friends. I wish I had communicated better. At the time, silence just seemed much more appealing than a conversation, but that is wrong and inexcusable. I should have given you more. I barely gave anything. I’m sorry.
I never realized how much ghosting hurt other people. I never realized how it felt to be shut out. I was so focused on my own problems that I stripped people of closure. I made people second guess themselves, and I hurt people’s pride. I angered some people and I left some wondering if they did something wrong to me when they didn’t. As cliche as it is, “it’s not you, it’s me”.
I should have known. I should have just taken a step outside my own mind and understood how others felt. Relationships are a two-way street—one that I didn’t value or put effort into. You deserve better and you have every right to hate me. I promise I’m doing everything I can to change and grow as a person, and I’m thankful for the people who have stayed despite it all. You are my home and I promise that despite my track record, I cherish you all so much and I will play my part.
As I reread this I can see how cringy this entire thing is, but still, I stand by it all. Writing this isn’t even close to the apology you deserve, but I hope that for now, it’s better than the selfish silence and hurtful acts I left you with. Someday, I will find the courage to say this to you directly.
I was wrong. I’m sorry. I hope you know that even if it doesn’t seem like it, I think about you often and I’m always wishing you the best.
From,
Jade